While facilitating a male-female relationship seminar a few years ago, I’ll never forget when an man stood up and shared how he and his wife have an annual review on January 1st where they have an open and honest conversation to discuss whether or not they should continue with their marriage.
At first, I was surprised by his statement because I thought it was odd that he and his wife, every 365 days, on January 1st, determine if they both want to continue with their marriage.
However, as he shared more regarding their intentions of ensuring that they did not allow anything to fester and build up causing major issues, I could understand the value of having this annual marriage board meeting.
He shared how leading up to their marriage discussion, they would separate for 24 to 48 hours so they could both truly reflect on what’s working in their marriage and what needs to be improved.
Yes, this is very unique… Taking the time to evaluate if my marriage is working for my spouse and me every year.
At first, it can seem extreme. However, I see the value of scheduling time to be open and honest about what is needed to improve the marriage.
How many marriages do you know of that the passion is no longer there? Or it seems like every day the love evaporates more and more? How many marriages are just going through the motions?
I now realize the importance of Syreeta and me having some solitude time where she and I can recharge and rejuvenate. Being separated and having some alone time can be healthy for any marriage.
There are days when I arrange my schedule so I spend quality time with our three-year-old daughter so Syreeta can have some alone time. And Syreeta does the same for me.
Is it true that opposites really attract?
I think there’s some truth to it because for most of our married friends, one seems to be more out-going while the other person is more reserved. Even for Syreeta and me, we are wired differently and that’s what adds value to our relationship. We complement one another because our differences create opportunities for both of us to grow.
Structured and agreed-upon separation is good for marriage because it allows for both individuals to have some personal time of reflection.
There’s no reason to burn-out. Life is not a sprint. Rather, it’s a marathon so pace yourself. Talk with your spouse and share what you need to do for your spiritual, emotional and mental well-being.
Question: In what ways can separation be good for your marriage?
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