Single Ladies

Donna,

This is one of the main reasons we created this blog. We want to help people to be more realistic in your qualifications for a mate and to also be more open to receive the mate God has for you. I think that is a huge problem...these unrealistic qualifications and being told for so long don't settle. In a relationship there is compromise and you must realize that none of us are perfect. Some things we have on our lists are absolutes and some things are desired. We need to be able to differentiate the two. To anyone reading that is seeking a mate first you must pray and ask God to reveal your ideal mate to you. Make a list of what you desire then notate which one is an absolute a non negotiable and which is a desire. This way you will know when he/she comes. Thanks Donna for sharing.

Paula,

What more can I say? I believe you hit it hard right there. Your question really makes one think. "And why do people feel the need to be married? Is it because they truly desire companionship and the life that the Bible says marriage should reflect? Or is it just for bragging rights?" Something to think about....

I think some women's standards are too high. As Donna said, people are looking for their perfect mate and no one is perfect. Some people just think they're perfect. Finding the right person is something that you have to let God do for you. If you try to find it on your own, it won't work. But if you just give it to Him, He will find the person that he designed for you. And if he doesn't send you someone, maybe it just means one of two things 1) you should take some more time to work on yourself or 2) God needs you for Himself; to do some things for Him (I Corinthians 7:34). And why do people feel the need to be married? Is it because they truly desire companionship and the life that the Bible says marriage should reflect? Or is it just for bragging rights?

I think there's plenty of blame and explanation for this to go around. I think Steve Harvey hit a nail on the head at the end of this video when he said that the generation of men his age and older did not do as good a job as they could have training younger men to seek out a good wife. And it's not just men either. Women play a huge role in how their sons are raised so women must bear some of the responsibility as well.

Also, one of the beautiful ladies in the video said she had a list of 150 qualifications for a man! What??! No human being could possibly live up to that. I wonder if she could meet 150 superb qualifications of womanhood. Some people are just unrealistic. So, it seems to me that if you set standards and goals that are impossible, you are setting yourself up to fail. She eliminated herself from the running a long time ago.

Of course there are bunches of other issues: the shrinking job market, the fact that it's easier for a black woman to get a job than for a black man, the fact that black men are not graduating from college at the rates they used to, splintered families and more. It makes me sad. I wish these ladies all the best. Thanks for sharing this video and starting this conversation.

I know a number of professional black women who are not married and some who married late (after 35). When I talk to my daughter (who is 18.5 yrs old), I want her to make sure that she choses the "right man" that God has sent to her and that may be someone outside of her race - and I am okay with that (my family is very diverse). It may be a harder pill for her dad to swallow, but to him it is about the man, not the color, and how he treats her.