What advice do you have for experiencing an extraordinary marriage?

by Marlon on January 18, 2010

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Congratulations on getting married!

How does it feel?

Do you still have butterflies floating in your stomach as you experienced during your first date?

Probably not! But realize this: It is extremely important that you continue doing what you first did to attract your spouse.

The reason I say this is because once the honeymoon is over and you start settling in your marriage, it is easy to get caught up in the routine of life and just go through the motions.

Keeping the love, passion, and connection alive with your spouse is critically important to maintaining a healthy marriage. What I’m talking about is being intentional with your time and energy because it’s easy for all of us to get into a regular routine where we’re just sleep-walking, not fully conscious in the moment.

In my marriage, I have personally experienced the regular routine of life,… waking up, eating breakfast, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, watching TV, going to sleep and then starting the routine over again the following day.

One particular morning, I had a special epiphany, a revelation that touched my heart and mind. I re-read my wedding vows and I realized that I was not fully honoring my wedding vows.

The cliché, “The truth will set you free,” is powerful. Once I realized that I had to take a more active role in ensuring that my marriage and family flourished, I became more committed. Do you hear what I’m saying? I’m not talking about having a regular, average marriage. But I’m talking about having an outstanding marriage. Do you understand what it takes to have an outstanding and extraordinary marriage? It takes 100% commitment! Straight up!

Are you willing to make the commitment to have an awesome marriage?

I ask this of you because it’s definitely possible but it also requires consistent work.

Here are 5 suggestions for keeping the fire alive in your marriage as when you were first dating. They are:

  1. Do at least one thing every day that shows your spouse that you love him or her.
  2. Spend at least 30 minutes every day communicating with your spouse, sharing from your heart with your full and undivided attention.
  3. Surprise your spouse by doing something unexpected because excitement adds spice and keeps the relationship fresh.
  4. Schedule at least one “date night” each week. You and your spouse may alternate who selects the activity that you will enjoy together because this will add an element of surprise and mystery.
  5. Keep the romance alive by showing affection towards your spouse. Hugging, holding hands, and cuddling go a long way for creating an unbreakable life-long bond.

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Tagged as: First Years of Marriage, Newlyweds

  • Donna, thanks for sharing. During many presentations, I share this quote: "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." And what you've shared about your husband highlights how it's the little things in life that TRULY matter. I appreciate you sharing because it encourages all of us to remember to show people that we love them by doing things for them. Have you ever read the 5 Love Languages because it is a good resource for understanding the different needs of our spouse.... His scramble eggs must be special! (smile)
  • One thing my husband does for me is scramble eggs. No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot scramble a good egg. His are delicious and when he makes them for me, I feel special and cared for. It's a tiny thing, but it means a lot to me for some reason.

    When we were dating, it was green apple Jolly Rancher candies. Every time he came to visit me or take me out, he'd bring green apple Jolly Ranchers. I guess we've replaced those with scrambled eggs.

    So, even if you don't understand why your spouse likes you to do something in particular, do it anyway if it means a lot to him or her. With a little bit of effort, you can do something easy for you to do that really makes a difference in your spouse's life.

    Unfortunately with small kids, we don't have date nights in a formal sense on a weekly basis, but we do try at least once a month to get dressed and go out somewhere just the two of us. Sometimes, by the time we can have special time at home, we are both exhausted so we just curl up and sleep for a date night. Lame, I know.
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