Comments on: What are the lessons you’ve learned while dating? http://www.marlonandsyreeta.com/2010/01/what-are-the-lessons-you-have-learned-while-dating/ Trust God! Love Yourself! Grow Together! Tue, 03 Apr 2012 08:15:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Misty http://www.marlonandsyreeta.com/2010/01/what-are-the-lessons-you-have-learned-while-dating/comment-page-1/#comment-17 Misty Wed, 06 Jan 2010 18:21:49 +0000 http://www.marlonandsyreeta.com/?p=22#comment-17 I don't have a ton of dating experience having been married my entire adult life, but I did just go through a divorce a year ago and am now in a new relationship. Why did it end and what lesson have I learned? The biggest thing I have come to learn is to not lose yourself. While I was married my whole life was about my husband, kids, soccer practice, cooking dinner, furthering his career, etc. All of those are important things to do in a marriage, but they can't be the ONLY thing. You can't forget about yourself. My relationship and marriage ended because I lost myself. And because I lost myself, I started to resent everyone around me. My marriage was never about me, I was never allowed to do anything for myself, have outside interests or just do something because I felt like it. In my new relationship, or if I ever decide to get married again, the one thing I will ensure doesn't happen is that I lose myself again. I have new interests, activities and I am having fun in life, and being happy with yourself is truly the only way to be happy in a relationship. I don’t have a ton of dating experience having been married my entire adult life, but I did just go through a divorce a year ago and am now in a new relationship. Why did it end and what lesson have I learned? The biggest thing I have come to learn is to not lose yourself. While I was married my whole life was about my husband, kids, soccer practice, cooking dinner, furthering his career, etc. All of those are important things to do in a marriage, but they can’t be the ONLY thing. You can’t forget about yourself. My relationship and marriage ended because I lost myself. And because I lost myself, I started to resent everyone around me. My marriage was never about me, I was never allowed to do anything for myself, have outside interests or just do something because I felt like it. In my new relationship, or if I ever decide to get married again, the one thing I will ensure doesn’t happen is that I lose myself again. I have new interests, activities and I am having fun in life, and being happy with yourself is truly the only way to be happy in a relationship.

]]> By: Marlon http://www.marlonandsyreeta.com/2010/01/what-are-the-lessons-you-have-learned-while-dating/comment-page-1/#comment-9 Marlon Tue, 05 Jan 2010 14:54:19 +0000 http://www.marlonandsyreeta.com/?p=22#comment-9 Donna, I truly value what you've shared regarding the importance of being INTENTIONAL with the time that we spend with our children because in many situations, they model what they see. Sasha, thank you for your kind words. I believe there are many men who share similar values but unfortunately, they are not getting featured in the media. One of the reasons that we started this blog is to help us all be more CONSCIOUS regarding how we are treating others and living life. Harry, your journey in your relationship with Katie was very insightful. Isn't it amazing how we are BLESSED with meeting an incredible person UNEXPECTEDLY and that relationship elevates into a life-long marriage? I appreciate you taking the time to share your experience with us. Question: Are there any books that anyone suggests for experiencing HEALTHIER relationships? Donna, I truly value what you’ve shared regarding the importance of being INTENTIONAL with the time that we spend with our children because in many situations, they model what they see.

Sasha, thank you for your kind words. I believe there are many men who share similar values but unfortunately, they are not getting featured in the media. One of the reasons that we started this blog is to help us all be more CONSCIOUS regarding how we are treating others and living life.

Harry, your journey in your relationship with Katie was very insightful. Isn’t it amazing how we are BLESSED with meeting an incredible person UNEXPECTEDLY and that relationship elevates into a life-long marriage? I appreciate you taking the time to share your experience with us.

Question: Are there any books that anyone suggests for experiencing HEALTHIER relationships?

]]> By: Harry Singha http://www.marlonandsyreeta.com/2010/01/what-are-the-lessons-you-have-learned-while-dating/comment-page-1/#comment-8 Harry Singha Tue, 05 Jan 2010 02:45:00 +0000 http://www.marlonandsyreeta.com/?p=22#comment-8 Hey Marlon and Syreeta Thanks for inviting me to share How much space is available on this blog?!!!!! You know this is such an important subject for me So I'll hold back on delivering a workshop and share some lessons for now ;-) My 1st Lesson Whilst I was dating Katie I had no intention of settling down with her, it was just fun. I met Katie when I was 21 years old and I recall my mum asking me if I was serious about her and I laughed. My mum had planted as seed in my mind about settling down and I began to wonder who my ideal partner would be, [still not even thinking about Katie] A friend of mine was having a challenge in life where he was considering leaving home and I recall myself reminding him that there were many great things about being at home versus the great things about leaving home. I said to him, "Its not always about what you want to get, its about what you got that you want" You know when you say something to someone and you are meant to hear it yourself!!! Well it was a lesson for me, as I was focusing on what my ideal partner would be like based on conditioning from my peers, tv, family and so on Yet when I began to ask what have I got with Katie, the answer was "she's my best friend" that year we got engaged and married a few years later and she is the most important person in the world to me. So now when people ask me, how do you know if s/he is the one, i always reply with - if you are willing to make him/her the most important person in your life, then that's the one! My 2nd lesson is, If you can live with your partner for a while to see if you are really committed forever as dating someone and living with someone are two very different experiences! My 3rd and most important lesson is Make sure your partner is the most important person in your life, before and after you are blessed with children, then when your children grow up they learn what it means to love their partner. As well as when they leave you and your spouse do not have a void to fill as, the most important person in your life is still there Thanks Marlon and Syreeta for setting up this very much needed community, for being model parents and partners and for being in my life xx To even more effective and fulfilled families Harry Hey Marlon and Syreeta
Thanks for inviting me to share
How much space is available on this blog?!!!!!
You know this is such an important subject for me
So I’ll hold back on delivering a workshop and share some lessons for now ;-)

My 1st Lesson
Whilst I was dating Katie I had no intention of settling down with her, it was just fun. I met Katie when I was 21 years old and I recall my mum asking me if I was serious about her and I laughed. My mum had planted as seed in my mind about settling down and I began to wonder who my ideal partner would be, [still not even thinking about Katie]
A friend of mine was having a challenge in life where he was considering leaving home and I recall myself reminding him that there were many great things about being at home versus the great things about leaving home. I said to him, “Its not always about what you want to get, its about what you got that you want”
You know when you say something to someone and you are meant to hear it yourself!!!
Well it was a lesson for me, as I was focusing on what my ideal partner would be like based on conditioning from my peers, tv, family and so on
Yet when I began to ask what have I got with Katie, the answer was “she’s my best friend” that year we got engaged and married a few years later and she is the most important person in the world to me. So now when people ask me, how do you know if s/he is the one, i always reply with – if you are willing to make him/her the most important person in your life, then that’s the one!

My 2nd lesson is,
If you can live with your partner for a while to see if you are really committed forever as dating someone and living with someone are two very different experiences!

My 3rd and most important lesson is
Make sure your partner is the most important person in your life, before and after you are blessed with children, then when your children grow up they learn what it means to love their partner. As well as when they leave you and your spouse do not have a void to fill as, the most important person in your life is still there

Thanks Marlon and Syreeta for setting up this very much needed community, for being model parents and partners and for being in my life
xx

To even more effective and fulfilled families
Harry

]]> By: Sasha http://www.marlonandsyreeta.com/2010/01/what-are-the-lessons-you-have-learned-while-dating/comment-page-1/#comment-7 Sasha Tue, 05 Jan 2010 01:44:12 +0000 http://www.marlonandsyreeta.com/?p=22#comment-7 Very insightful & very refreshing to hear a Man speak in this way as far as generalizing relationships as a whole. Too many times have I read about the rules & what I should or shouldn't do as a Woman to keep & please a Man. This was straight forward & not laced w/ gender roles. Loved it! And I agree with Donna, rooting that self esteem starts at home and helps nurture the foundation we need to bring a complete healthy "Me" into a relationship. Sad part, the majority of my generation has no sense of self & are completely blind leading the blind. Very insightful & very refreshing to hear a Man speak in this way as far as generalizing relationships as a whole. Too many times have I read about the rules & what I should or shouldn’t do as a Woman to keep & please a Man. This was straight forward & not laced w/ gender roles. Loved it! And I agree with Donna, rooting that self esteem starts at home and helps nurture the foundation we need to bring a complete healthy “Me” into a relationship. Sad part, the majority of my generation has no sense of self & are completely blind leading the blind.

]]> By: Donna Maria Coles Johnson http://www.marlonandsyreeta.com/2010/01/what-are-the-lessons-you-have-learned-while-dating/comment-page-1/#comment-6 Donna Maria Coles Johnson Tue, 05 Jan 2010 00:45:05 +0000 http://www.marlonandsyreeta.com/?p=22#comment-6 These are such great points! Knowing yourself, knowing your intentions and not becoming involved physically are vital. As I have seen it, the biggest challenge is that so many people are not trained to do those things. Most people kind of learn on the job, without any formal direction or encouragement from people we can trust. This is where my husband and I feel that parenting comes in. Our kids are very young now, but we plan to work with them to discover who they are so they can appreciate all of the things they bring to the table in a dating relationship. Self esteem and spiritual grounding is where it starts. I had little of that kind of training as a young girl, but I'm looking forward to changing my family legacy with my daughter. These are such great points! Knowing yourself, knowing your intentions and not becoming involved physically are vital. As I have seen it, the biggest challenge is that so many people are not trained to do those things. Most people kind of learn on the job, without any formal direction or encouragement from people we can trust. This is where my husband and I feel that parenting comes in. Our kids are very young now, but we plan to work with them to discover who they are so they can appreciate all of the things they bring to the table in a dating relationship. Self esteem and spiritual grounding is where it starts. I had little of that kind of training as a young girl, but I’m looking forward to changing my family legacy with my daughter.

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