Various studies indicate that the #1 reason for divorce is because of issues with money.
Why is this?
How can two people who get married and commit to “…Until death do us part” allow money to cause a wedge in their marriage that ultimately separates them, spiritually, emotionally and physically?
Personally, I do not believe that money is the #1 reason for divorce. Rather, there are two other underlying root causes for why so many marriages experience separation and divorce. They are: 1) Not fully understanding what marriage means and 2) A breakdown in open and honest communication.
Money is important. You need money to survive. And with the proper perspective, money can bless you and your family. But unfortunately, money can also curse you and your family if it becomes what you ultimately worship more than anything else.
Root Cause #1: Not fully understanding what marriage means!
The basic Greek word for “marry” or “marriage” is gameo, which derives from the same root as our English word “gem.” That root literally means to “fuse together.” A man and a woman who have become “one flesh” under God’s design for marriage is not simply the “gluing” of two people together but rather the “fusion” of two distinct elements into one.
So when it comes to money, regardless of how much each spouse earns financially, all the income is to be shared equally by both husband and wife. It’s not “his” money or “her” money. Rather, as a married couple, it’s “our” money.
I’ve seen the benefits of this in my marriage because it reinforces that we’re on the same team. My wife and I understand that God brought us together for a specific purpose. Rather than having my secret bank accounts or Syreeta having her secret bank accounts, we are transparent with our finances and this allows us to experience more harmony in our marriage.
Root Cause #2: A breakdown in open and honest communication
Let’s face it, husbands and wives are different. In fact, no two people are exactly alike. And when it comes to money, people have different perspectives as to what money means and how it is to be spent.
Syreeta and I have had our difference of opinions as it relates to spending money. But by sharing our different perspectives, we have both grown by listening to one another’s opinion.
Trust is one of the major anchors in any positive marriage and this is why open and honest communication is so important. Being dishonest or not telling the entire truth allows for issues to grow and a wedge to form in a marriage.
Remembering our wedding vows and that we made a commitment to have a life-long marriage has helped us to keep open lines of communication. Even when we disagree, we respect each other’s opinion and do our best to understand one another’s view of the world rather than just dismiss it as being crazy.
Here are 10 questions to help you strengthen your marriage in the area of money:
- Do I really view my spouse as my life-long partner in a “…Until death do us part” marriage?
- If not, what can we do to reignite our love and commitment?
- How do you and your spouse differ in your view of money?
- What can you and your spouse do to get on the same page regarding how you will be better stewards / managers of your family finances?
- Do either you or your spouse have “secret” money that the other person does not know about? If there is “secret” money, it’s now time to be fully transparent so there is no deception because trust is a true anchor of any successful marriage. Share with your spouse if you have “secret” money and ask for forgiveness. Pray together.
- Are you and your spouse honoring a monthly family budget?
- Between you and your spouse, who is better gifted at managing the checkbook?
- Do you and your spouse have a life insurance policy and a living trust / will?
- If not, what steps will you and your spouse take to obtain these documents?
- Are you and your spouse willing to have weekly financial meetings so there is open and honest conversations about your cash flow situation?
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