During the month of February, we are excited to profile a different couple each day on our Blog site. We have asked each couple to share their answers to specific questions concerning marriage and family. The couples we have invited are at different stages in their marriage… Some have been married for decades while others for a few years. There are even couples who are separated with hopes of reconciling as well as couples currently experiencing a challenging time in their marriage. The one thing all of these couples have in common is their willingness to share “real” insights to help strengthen other marriages, families, and those desiring to be married.
Marriages are NOT all perfect and just because there are challenges doesn’t mean it cannot evolve into a GREAT marriage. Challenges = Growth Opportunities.
Our intention is to create more realistic depictions of marriage…the “real” deal and what it takes to make a marriage work. As you will realize by reading these couples’ insights, GREAT marriages don’t just happen. They take conscious effort and continuous work.
So let us learn from their wisdom. Feel free to chime in and ask questions or even just share your thoughts. After reading today’s insights, post your comment to the question: “What did I learn from today’s insights?” Let’s continue sharing insights. It is our desire to create a dialog so we all learn from others’ experiences and mistakes because this will help create more healthier marriages and families. Join the movement!
Let’s now read some insights from Mike and Lisa Perry…
Married 19 Years with 3 Children
For a little less than two decades, Lisa and I have enjoyed marital bliss. “Bliss” is one letter shy of the word “bless.” And we are firm believers that it is more important to be blessed than to be part of a perfect plan. Lisa and I didn’t plan on meeting each other. And when we met, marriage was definitely not on either one of our agendas. But when we met, we knew it was destiny. I saw her coming up the stairs, and I said to my cousin standing beside me, “This is the woman that I want on my arms the rest of my life.” Not knowing the magnitude of what I was saying, we were married 10 months later. But it wasn’t our passion and intense desire that drove us to the altar but it was the leading of God. Lisa and I received salvation about 7 months after being saved. God helped both of us define love and commitment. We found a Christ-type of love within each other.
Therefore, our awesome marriage is a result of God’s blessing being upon it. We learned early on that we belong to God first and as we give ourselves to God, it then becomes easier to show unconditional love to one another. The love of God does not cause us to become less critical of one another. But rather, we realize that we’re both human and even when we observe faults and human weakness, we meekly address one another to edify. The love of God is rich because it allows me to see greatness in my wife so I can constantly be her biggest cheerleader. When she is not uplifted somewhere else, she will always be uplifted and encouraged at home. Lisa, as my wife, is my biggest fan. We are partners committed to our marriage and our family. I dress nice because it makes her happy. I have a special cologne that makes her head turn while eating a bagel at the breakfast table. Being intentional and doing things that please each other strengthens our bond.
The miracle of the marriage journey is that as the years go by, the love does not get dim but brighter. We each become more grateful to enjoy the love from each other and we don’t take it for granted because we realize that our marriage is a gift from God.
This wisdom came through a major learning process called “mistakes.” We read fairy tales and they run off together to live happily ever after. This sounds great but it doesn’t quite unfold like this in real life because there are real problems that come no matter how great you are. And on top of this, you probably have some ideology of what your mate should be. But if you want frustration to leave your house, let God make your mate what He desires and you support that process. When you force someone to become something other than what God has called that person to be then rebellion sets in and arguments arise. I’ve learned that no one person wears the pants in the house but God. When we don’t agree, we pray because we realize that there is none wiser than He. And God has never failed us. And because of this mindset, we have so much freedom in our house. People look at us and say, “Two people can’t be having that much fun and be that happy.” But we really are and we just see it getting better and better each year.
Now please do not misunderstand what we’re communicating… We haven’t been void of problems. We have lost two children to sickness. But we trusted the wisdom of God to be greater than ours. And God blessed us with three more and each of these children is special in their own way. We’ve experienced attacks on our jobs and have been disappointed by family and friends but we chalked it up as “character lessons.” We learned not to hold grudges but rather to love in spite of and continue to ask God what He is doing new in us.
And as a result of lessons learned and the application of God’s wisdom, we now do marriage counseling and even marry couples. We both work in ministry and it’s wonderful. But on top of everything, we enjoy each other immensely not because we were so smart but because we were and continue to be so blessed.
In fact, we love it when it snows and we can’t get out of the house because we use it as an excuse to honeymoon. And even if it doesn’t snow, we still take the time to honeymoon because we are inspired to keep the fire of love alive. We still date and write love notes. Solomon did it so why shouldn’t I?
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