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Insights from Married Couples

Does the Honeymoon have to End? – Part 2

by Marlon on May 12, 2010

Tyrone and Alicia Partee are sharing three more insights for how to keep the Honeymoon rolling as the years continue!

Check out their insights and post your feedback.

Why is it that so many marriages are struggling to keep the excitement and passion after their honeymoon has ended?

Does it have to be this way?

What do you think?

Mr. and Mrs. Tyrone Partee

Mr. and Mrs. Tyrone Partee

In yesterday’s blog posting, Mr. and Mrs. Tyrone Partee shared 3 insights.  Here are 3 more additional insights for keeping the honeymoon alive…

1. Pray daily for your spouse and pray together regularly

It is so humbling to pray for your spouse.  I don’t know about you, but even when I go to God complaining about my husband, I find that my complaint turns to thanks and praise before I get up off my knees.  It is in prayer to God that helps me to see what God has given me and what I am truly thankful for in life. I also can’t come into God’s presence and not face my shortcomings.  Pray for each other daily.

2. Positive self talk – remind yourself of what attracted you to your spouse

Have you found that the tapes (thoughts) that play over and over in your head focus on all the negative things.  “He didn’t pick up that sock again…”  “She didn’t cook dinner…”  “Why is the house a mess?…” I remind myself often of my spouse’s good qualities.  It is true that your spouse will not meet your expectations every time.  But remember this, they weren’t perfect when you met them. Remind yourself of why you fell in love.  I have found that my spouse is still as giving, transparent and considerate as she was when I met her.  And my husband is still as patient, attentive, and kind towards me as the day we first met. Yes it helps to speak truth in love aloud and remember what God has given you.

3. Laugh at yourselves.

And by all means have the audacity to laugh at yourself. In order to laugh at yourself, you have to be willing to see yourself for who you really are.  I remember we were having a good argument, and all of a sudden we started laughing.  We realized just how stubborn we are.  We knew the issue we were arguing over was not worth it, but no one wanted to give up. The crazy truth is that after we stopped taking ourselves so seriously we forgot what we were arguing about. Why? Because we realized that we were caught up in looking out at one another that we never noticed how silly we were acting. Laugh it off! Remember the person that God gave you is the same one that you are intended to love and cherish. If you cannot laugh it off or find it difficult to laugh at yourself then do what my husband does… We go together into our bedroom apart from the children and start arguing. He makes a point to stand in front of the mirror as he begins to voice his complaints. After a little while he looks into the mirror and upon seeing himself he begins to laugh slowly. Why? It is because he sees himself.

Well we have shared a few secrets that have helped us to keep the honeymoon going. And we know that this is not intended to be an exhaustive list.  We’d love to hear your ideas.  Please comment with ideas, suggestions, questions.

REMEMBER!

Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. 13:6 It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. 13:7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.13:8 Love never ends.   1 Corinthians 13:4-8

What do you think of these insights?  Do you have any additional insights for keeping the honeymoon alive after years of marriage?

Do share your comments.

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Does the Honeymoon Have to End?

by Marlon on May 11, 2010

We were married on December 21, 2008.

I remember people telling me to enjoy the honeymoon stage because it won’t last forever.  Someone said, “A honeymoon is the short period between the bridal toast and the burnt toast.” We get messages from many different places, including Christians, that the honeymoon was only meant to last but for a moment.

Tyrone & Alicia Partee on their Wedding Day!

Tyrone & Alicia Partee on their Wedding Day!

Webster defines honeymoon as:

1 : a period of harmony immediately following marriage.
2 : a period of unusual harmony especially following the establishment of a new relationship.
3 : a trip or vacation taken by a newly married couple.

What’s magical about the honeymoon?

Is it the well wishes, gifts and prayers that we received at our wedding and reception? Is it the fact that we were able to go away to a secluded place and not think about the hustle and bustle of being home?  Is it that we stopped, separated ourselves from family and friends and focused on one another?  Or is it the fact that we take the time to do something special for one another?

I say it is all of the above!  We have only been married 18 months, so you might say that we should still be in the honeymoon stage.  However, I personally know couples that have been married several years and they still confess of being in the “honeymoon stage.”  How do you stay in the “honeymoon stage?”  I can’t say there is one formula or secret for keeping the honeymoon period alive, but we will share some suggestions from our personal experience and other couples we’ve talked to.

1. Intentionally invest in your marriage

It is important to intentionally set aside time for your marriage.  Just like you schedule tune- ups for your car, repair and maintenance on your home, you have to schedule time to keep your marriage tuned up and in good working order.  A time specifically set aside to work on your marriage.  Maybe you’ve noticed that you haven’t been communicating with your spouse as much as you desire.  Or maybe you notice the romance is fading.  Take time to address these areas.  Read a book together, pray together, go to a marital conference together,  talk to a therapist together. Remember, don’t wait until the house is burning down before you get some help.  Consider attending a marriage conference or retreat at least once a year.

2. Schedule specific time away from everything, even if it’s a “staycation.”

We have all heard of “date nights,” but many couple can’t seem to make it a priority in their life.  We have struggled in this area too.  Life gets busy and things have to be done, but isn’t your marriage worth it?  Stop right now, open your calendars and coordinate a time you can go on a date.  The difference is that this is not simply a date but an appointment that must be kept. Be aware, that as soon as you do this, all type of other things will pop up.  Both of us being Pastors struggle with setting boundaries with our time.  We’ve made promises to turn off our cell phones, only to put them on silent.  Not to bring our laptops, only to pull out the iphone and check email.   We have found that people will live if they can’t reach us.  Even our kids will live.  Schedule a date night. You deserve to enjoy one another! You deserve to have some fun!

3. Thank God DAILY for the precious gift He has given you in your spouse

This seems simple, but it becomes difficult when things aren’t going our way in life, or we’re just too busy to stop and thank God.  Sometime we spend more time thanking God for our stuff than for our spouse.  We have found that taking time to thank God for the little things that we do for each other is a way to thank God daily. It is especially important to thank God for your spouse when they have done a little thing such as pick up the clothes at the cleaners when the other person did not have time. Thank God for the gift that God has given you.

Share your insights and feedback by posting a comment.

Do you agree or disagree?

What do you think, “Does the Honeymoon REALLY Have to End?” … What do you think?

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